Killarney Urban Myth #3
I love this one, mainly because it doesn’t matter where I walk the dog, this story comes bounding after me! Not me as such, I’m no pervy flasher you see – but the story won’t go away and keeps on getting repeated in the media all the time. Especially in Killarney – click here and here for proof!
OK, sorry, the name of this Killarney Urban Myth #3 is – The Phantom Flasher! And ‘Phantom’ is right – I’ve yet to meet someone who has been wowed by a willy in the streets or lanes of Killarney. OK, that’s not strictly true – one of my aunts would not be married if that were strictly true! But still, I think she asked him first – so that’s got nothing to do with my story…read on…
Now, this is not really a pleasant story, if you happen to be the flashee – or whatever the ‘victim’ is called in a case like this. But still, knowing the weather patterns around the Killarney area it’s unlikely that the flasher will remain too turgid for too long. There is a pattern however – and it always seems to involve the national park – we have a great big fuck off national park in Killarney, thousands of acres if you must know, so bite that Dublin!
Where the story seems to come from is simply – it’s my brother’s mate’s wife – she’s great at it, spreading the word around town! But she always hears it from – can you guess who?? – that’s right, so-and-so’s sister or brother or uncle or whoever!
I heard a better version of this myth a year ago but I have to be careful here, don’t want to give away anyone’s identity, so here goes. A fella lobbed out his ‘old man’ in a lane a couple of miles outside of town – in front of a 50 year old lady. Now, what’s the point in doing that – even if it is true? She’s unlikely to take the bait and run with it and even less likely to accompany the flasher for a pint. In case you haven’t noticed, the ‘pint’ is a currency in Ireland, social and otherwise.
So this little old lady ran, falteringly, back to her house and raised the alarm about a fella getting his ‘lad’ out up the lane. I have to ask why did he pick such a lonely lane for one thing? I also have to ask why he chose a lady in her 50s? Unless of course it was all … Wait for it , you know it’s coming, ‘BULLSHIT’ – of course, what else could it be?
Most Urban Myths are a complete load of rubbish – or are they?
I was in the national park 4 years ago and was confronted with a nudey man – even the dog wouldn’t go near him: I’m assuming she couldn’t smell clothes…and I shouted at her…”Come back here, stay away from the nudey man”…or words to that effect. And back she came. He was a European chap, it turned out, and thought it was OK to get naked on a beach around the lower lake.
So, that’s generally what it is – a bunch of foreigners getting naked and upsetting the populace – oh, hold on, don’t all Urban Myths blame the foreigners???
And these flasher types are always chaps, never women – surely some gender imbalance going on here? Mind you, I spent a couple of years in London – yes, THAT London, and trust me, it wouldn’t take too long to balance things out with some of the lovely ladies I met there! Cardiff was better mind!!
By Shay Ryan
NB – No dogs were harmed in the writing of this document…