When I was a lad, ooh, about 20 or 30 years ago, there was a crazy lad at my school. He tried to poison the pupils he learned with – and that’s what got him kicked out of Cardinal Newman RC School in Coventry, England.
Prior to him trying to poison the whole canteen he had a shitty disposition – that’s right, he used to shit in places which, no doubt, had meaning for him.
He used to take a dump on a school book and then put it on top of a pile of others – this was in the time when Teachers used to take a pile of books from a shelf and bring them down to a table before handing them to pupils – yup, you guessed it, a lot of shit (and hilarity for pupils) for everyone! And in case you haven’t realised, he used to do this in secret – it took a number of months before he was caught.
One day, the “Phantom Shitter”, as he came to be known, left it a little bit late for ‘crimping off one’ and was caught by one of the cleaners as she went to retrieve a mop.
And so, a legend was ended – and the ‘Phantom’ turned out to be an ordinary mortal just like the rest of us – and for some reason or other, the School Authorities allowed him to re-attend the school!!!
A year or so later, he tried to murder his class mates by poisoning them via the school canteen – he wasn’t seen after that…
So, if you see a crimped off piece of human poo, look over your shoulder and refuse to eat for the rest of the day – you never know, do you…